Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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