I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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