Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
