You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
