Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
