I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
