Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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