i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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