I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
