he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
