Got a toothbrush?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
