I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
