so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
