Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
