she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
