They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
