I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
