So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
