so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
