You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
