That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
