That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
