so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
