i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
