shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
