is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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