pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
