I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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