I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
50% drunk capacity currently
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
