I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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