I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
