Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
