Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
