I forgot how hot balto sounded
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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