If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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