You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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