Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
