Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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