Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
