Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
