franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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