my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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