i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
