I think my vagina is haunted
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
