I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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