Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
