Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
