I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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