I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
