There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
