mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
