Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
