this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
