girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
